IV.ii An Unwise Triple Boscoe

Prunce Nipples was found when just a few hours old, swaddled in filthsome sackcloth, on the doorstep of The Velvet Pouch, an establishment of dubious repute nestled firmly in the 'Entertainment Quarter' of Saintless Niche On Manifold. No one seemed to know where she had come from, but it was plain to see why she had been left there. Apparently first in the queue when God was handing out malady and misfortune, it was this very unjust myriad of birth defects that, ironically, may well have saved little Prunce's life. The austere guardian of the Velvet Pouch, Mistress Prudence Melamine-Fourchette, took an atypical pity on her and instead of bundling her off to Royal Farcy as she had with past runty finds, took her in and brought her up to be a virtuous and learned debutant.

Mistress Melamine-Fourchette took the malformed foundling to see a young Doctor Aubrey Paunchbulb, who likewise, took an instant liking to little 'Prunce' as he named her. Indeed, expecting her to live but a few days, he immediately offered to be ordained her Godfather. Amongst her numerous ailments, Prunce was born without nostrils, and as such was subject to an experimental and groundbreaking new operation, in an attempt to allow her to 'earbreathe'. Unfortunately, the less than competent Doctor Paunchbulb, whose innovation this was, in his zealosity, damaged her glands of balance. By going far beyond the necessary eardrum, into the labyrinthine structure, Prunce was left in a semi-permanent state of vertigo with associated disequilibria.

Prunce proved disconcertingly popular with the gentlemen visitors of The Velvet Pouch, much to the satisfaction of Mistress Melamine-Fourchette and the consternation of the other in-house performers. Despite this, her forthright yet ever polite manner usually won them round. Above all else, Prunce loved to dance, earning her the nickname ‘Twisty’, and others loved to watch her moves. Everything, from shucking the Succotash Shuffle to twisting the Maroon Shoe Shoe. She could pronk, splice and fronkle as good as the next girl, but when it came to scrumping on her fulcrum, she often lost her balance and would find herself in the corner, in an unceremonious imbroglio of chair legs, gramophone horn and dust bunnies.

Indeed, it was during one of her more elaborate frugs that she unwisely attempted the Triple Boscoe, ambitiously juxtaposed with a Slippery Gunt, with excruciating and calamitous results. Having landed this badly, Prunce had shimmied her last.

She was to spend the rest of her life in dual leg calipers. She also sustained a jarring neck injury, which led to the fusing of her already fabric spine at a spurious angle, just below the jaw line, for ever-more tilting her head with a left-handed prejudice, which lent her a perpetually perplexed look.

Prunce's dancing days prematurely over, she turned her attention to children. Other people's children, to be precise. For, as undeniable as the temptations are, of a earbreather, to the many young men of the district, she never came close to receiving a proposition of marriage. No, nannying and tutoring would soon become her only pastime, to which she became entirely devoted. Mistress Melamine-Fourchette graciously encouraged her to move on, writing her an extended letter of recommendation whilst secretly mourning the loss of everyone's favourite girl and uncannily predicting the swift demise of  'The Velvet Pouch'. This letter, along with Prunce's outwardly severe demeanor went a long way towards securing her position as governess to both the Thropquilliam fold and the young Monkeyspanners.

An unusually stern governess of the tongue, 'Nanny Nipples' as she became known, gave instruction almost exclusively on the five fundamentals of applied conversation; elocution, vocalisation, pronunciation, articulation and sycophancy. Her love of what she termed the 'Vocal forest' stemmed mainly from her similarly strict upbringing at the mercy of Mistress Prudence’s hot tongue.